Green Eyes

Four Foot Nine

For those of you who haven't seen the billboards, Connecticut State law says that children must remain in their booster car seats until they surpass the height of 4'-9". Vehicle safety is no joke, folks. As a result, our model citizen, cute little Heather, now travels in a properly fitted car seat, enhancing her personal transit safety by 30%, compared to using just a seatbelt.

Slater Madness

Crazy weddings with crazy friends! I love these boys!

Am I Adopted?

This story is for those of you who know my mother...

I went to get Eric from Newark last night, after he flew in from visiting the fabulous Dave Addona in California.  I left work around 5:15pm, and proceeded down I95 in rush hour traffic in the miserable pouring rain.  I didn't get any directions, mostly because I've driven there before, and since its an international airport, the signage is usually all that's needed to get where you need to be; plus I wanted to see if I could do it! Sooo, I find myself in the worst part of 95 in the Bronx about to hop onto the GWB, completely locked into the middle lane by tractor trailors, in the pouring rain, going about 70mph, in the dark. The usual.

After looking around me and realizing how, for most people, this driving scenario is typically accompanied by some, if not a lot, of stress.  I took a look at myself and found my head leaned back, my left hand relaxing in my sweatshirt pocket, and a smile on my face as I enthusiastically sang along to the ever-so-lighthearted, "Can't Buy Me Love" by the Beatles.  I was this calm and relaxed while dodging the most disrespectful drivers, intense potholes, blinding spray from the trucks, and most unexpected lane changes in the world.

I called my mom. I proceeded to explain to her what I was doing at that moment. Not to mention I was now illegally operating a handheld cell phone at this point... I could hear her gasping for air.  I then explained my personal challenge of seeing if I could successfully arrive to such a complicated destination 2 states away without directions. She fell silent for a few moments as she began to panic. For those of you who don't know, my mom is not a confident driver; in fact, I've never seen anyone so fearful of operating an automobile, especially among other drivers--let alone, dare I say ...traffic.  She insists she was chauffered in her last life. Judging by her driving/navigating techniques/paranoia I've observed over the years, I, and most people, believe her. Funny to think of how much we are really opposites in that respect... Especially knowing that I arrived at the airport on time, and returned home, no troubles, directions, or turning around what-so-ever. I win!

Kidnapped in my Sleep

I'll set the scene for you: It's a dull, quiet Monday night. I fall asleep in my bed to a horrible/fabulous movie that involved ninjas kidnapping 3 children.  Suddenly, I'm woken up from my slumber to find  two panicked adult men, dressed all in black, with stockings over their faces, shaking my body to get up. As soon as I'm upright, a black bandana is placed over my face, impairing my vision. A deep scary recording announces my name, and declares the plan to kidnap me and demands I remain quiet. My shoes are put on, and they procede to bring me to their car which is waiting in front of my house. I'm placed in the vehicle, which starts to drive away from my house, blasting very dramatic and intimidating classical music.

At one point, I began to laugh, and the recorder was slammed in front of my face announcing: "Yes."  I could tell by the kidnappers whispers and restrained laughter that the message was impertinent and meant to say something else...like, "Shut up."

Next thing I know, I'm drastically ripped from the car, and placed in a chair.  I could tell I was outside, it was dark, but with dim lighting, and I was definately away from civilization due to the silence. The recording begins to explain why I had been kidnapped... revealing information about "the arms race with Bulgaria, and Swiss paleontologist lay off's due to my father's dealings." The recording also explained that I "have a magnetic supercharged nuclear microchip in my tooth, and would need to be removed." I was asked a few questions, and the kidnappers did a moonlit dance, panicked, ran in their car and drove off.

I removed my blindfold... to find the entire scenario had been a staged event by two of my close friends, Mr. Sean P. Henri and Mr. Shane Norton... infamous for going to extreme lengths to entertain themselves and make their friends laugh at the same time.  So no, this wasn't a dream, nor was it a true act of abduction... It was merely a prank that I found to be dreadfully funny. Well done boys; well done.

Hoop and Stick, Sir!?

I've recently discovered how funny The Colbert Report is. Your turn: